now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
