we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
