yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
