his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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