Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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