she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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