I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
