How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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