just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
