im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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