Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
