Welp...herpes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
