Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
