We're facebook friends in real life
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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