Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
