im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
