He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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