Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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