It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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