Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
