I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
