you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
God, I missed his penis.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
