u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
