Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
