awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I deserve this hangover.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
