Say something about gay babies.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
