Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is Oprah even human
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
