i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
