I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
