Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
