HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
