Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
