Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
