I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
