her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
