If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
