It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
