I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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