If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
