My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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