Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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