He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
