I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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