my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
