Can i not drive my cunt home
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
