shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My ATM looks so different sober.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
