Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
