I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
operation have a gay friend backfired
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
