i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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