i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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