Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
