he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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