pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
