The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
