I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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