I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
