Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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