It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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