Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
