so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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