my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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