It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
