Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
