you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
