If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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