She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
