I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
