I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
