i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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