Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
