New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
