You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
