Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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