It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
