I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
