the new term for farting is butt boxing.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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