This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
