She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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